Oh, He’ll Never Be Able To Do That! by Kate Steidl
Those horrible words that are heard from various professionals. If I wasn’t such a rebel, my son would most likely live down to those expectations. But the rebel in me is pretty strong, and it said.”Oh yeah? We’ll see about that!”
Some comments were: “Just concentrate on teaching him to do his daily living skills..that’s all you can expect him to do”, or “He’ll never talk, he’s Autistic.” The lists of comments goes on and on, as do the names of syndromes, diagnoses, and labels that just didn’t seem to ring true. My rebel personality just would not believe it. He was my wonderful, loving, cheerful son…how could he be given this sentence in life. So what if he couldn’t speak a word at the age of three, he could make anyone smile or laugh with his antics. He could chase the clouds away with his hugs and cuddles. He could do puzzles and color and he could finally eat with a spoon! His determination was incredible. If he wanted to do something, he did it.
I would not accept this, could not accept it! That his accomplishment in this life was just to be able to put his clothes on. If that was the case, so be it, there was no changing the fact he was my extraordinary son. But I just felt there was too much going on behind those eyes for that kind of life. So, I took the Miss Frizzle attitude. For those of you who do not know of this wonderful philosophy, please feel free to go to your local library and check out one of the “Magic School Bus” series of books. Many times through their journeys of discovery the teacher, Miss Frizzle, shouts “Get Messy, Make Mistakes”. After all, many of the most incredible inventions out there was initially a “mistake.”
So my house, to the outside world, looked like a tornado had hit it, but we were having fun and discovering all kinds of new things to do, mix, color, build. Opportunities were given at a every turn, not caring if the result was a complete and utter mess. The “let’s see what happens” thinking was paramount. It was a “can do” household, not a “can’t do”. I can’t tell you how many professionals came to visit..some saying very positive things, others wondering how on earth we lived this way..it was, well..very messy, and the only adult looking room was our bedroom, but even that had treasures on our chest of drawers.
Years passed, assessments continued to be done. Reports were made. Professionals came and went, more and more of them astounded at what had been accomplished. “He’s not the kid I read about in the last report.” “He is doing so well”.”This is not the same kid that I saw last year”. Did I tell you his determination was amazing?
I will not list all his accomplishments or abilities..they would just take too long. Suffice to say, he can do a lot more that just dress and feed himself. He is doing very well in an integrated program in High School with some tutoring services provided by the school. Oh, and by the way…he received an award for achieving Honors (80% or higher in all of his core courses) last year.
Now, rereading this, I can see how it could be interpreted that I do not have high regard for professionals. That is absolutely not the case. My son has been blessed with some of the most incredible people I could have ever dreamed of. So many of them that I will never forget and I can not thank enough for what they have done for my son. I could never repay them for the difference they have made in his and my life.
What I do want to convey, is that no matter what anyone says…no matter how many letters they have at the end of their names. No one knows what a child can accomplish until that child is given the opportunity to succeed…and to fail in that journey to success. The result is still the result, getting messy is a part of life, and some of the most interesting accomplishments that have ever been, have been mistakes.
Submitted with permission of my son. Kate.
A note from Kathryn at LDExperience: While Kate has a wonderful son, he has an amazing mother. Kate fosters children, is the first to volunteer for a variety of causes, and radiates a genuine demeanour that makes everyone around her want to be a better person. We are so grateful she elected to share her story with us.
© Kate Steidl and LDExperience. If citing this article, please do so as follows: Kate Steidl, “Oh, He’ll Neverl Be Able to Do That!” www.LDExperience.ca, October 5, 2011.
This is a great story and gives so much hope to so many parents. Sometimes you have to stop listening and trust yourself and your children. A lot of Love goes a long way.